#ER-2; Same but Different

The attachment system is a closeness -seeking system that transformed to ensure the survival of the human infant. I would say it operates like your home heating and cooling system: if everything is fine you don’t see the system operate, but when things start to malfunction, the heating or cooling system activates. Likewise, when a person feels threatened, the attachment system activates, provoking attachment behaviors. Attachment behaviors are closeness-seeking behaviors that draw the person closer to a preferred caregiver. The closeness creates or renews or recreates a secure base—a sense of safety, security, and comfort from which the person, once settled, can begin to explore the world.

Patterns develop in the way that they care for the infant and child experience. Several patterns of attachment can develop.

·         Secure

·         Ambivalent

·         Avoidant

·         Disorganized

In early infancy, the child may have one pattern of attachment with one caregiver and a different pattern with another, as I will also talk about in my personal experience. The first three are said to be normal patterns of relating, although the second and third are considered insecure patterns, less healthy than the secure pattern.

1.       SECURE: A secure child with a secure pattern of attachment will explore a room while the parent is present. If the parent leaves the room, the child will show signs of missing the parent during the separation. Preference for the parent over a stranger is evident; the child will greet the parent, initiating physical contact, upon reunion. After the reunion, the child will settle and resume play.

2.       AVOIDANT: This child often fails to cry when separated from the parent, avoids and ignores the parent when reunited (by moving away, turning away, or leaning out of arms if picked up), and shows little or no closeness or contact-seeking, no distress or anger at separations. Responses to the parent often appear unemotional. These children tend to focus more on toys and the environment than on a caregiver in new and strange situations.

3.       RESISTANT OR AMBIVALENT: Showing little exploration of their environment, these children may be untrustworthy or distressed prior to separation. They seem preoccupied with the environment and location of the parent and may appear angry or passive. After a separation, these children fail to take comfort in the parent when reunited and continue to focus on the parent and fuss. They fail to return to exploration after reunion.

4.       DISORGANIZED: This is the subtype most likely to develop into the psychiatric diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder. This pattern is most often associated with maltreatment from a parent who frightens the child. The child displays disorganized or disoriented behaviors in the parent’s presence, suggesting a temporary collapse of behavioral integrity and organization. The child may freeze, for example, with a trance-like expression, hands in air, may rise at parent’s entrance, then fall prone and huddle on the floor, or the child may cling, crying, leaning away with a turned away gaze.

The way I went about trying to figure out what my possible attachment style was as an infant in comparison to my little sister, was by conducting an Interview with my mother. I chose a quiet time in our living room to converse about this and my sister was present as well, eager to hear the results.

Me: Mom,

Me: (I explained the procedure of the experiment, but not what the results meant, and I gave her the example in reference to my sister) “What kind of reaction would be seen from her?”

Mom: “well, she would start to cry and look for me because she was always with me.”

Me: “Okay, well how would she react when you walked back into the room? Would she keep crying, not want you to pick her up, avoid you, or look startled?”

Mom: “She would come up to me and stop crying. She did not like to be away from me.”

Me: “would she go back to play?”

Mom: “Yes, but at my feet or always distracted by watching me making sure I did not leave her side again. Your sister would hold on to my finger at times or not let go of my sleeve to make sure I did not go anywhere.”

Me: “Wow, I remember she would tangle her hand into your shirt when she fell asleep so she could wake up when you tried to leave. And even now at the age of 21, she does not hang out with friends; she spends ALL of her time with you and dad. And she STILL sometimes sleeps with you sometimes mom!”

Mom: “Yes, (with a smile on her face looking at my sister) when she sleeps with me now, she hugs my arm before she goes to sleep.”

Me: (face my sister) “why sister? Why do you find the need to do that?

Sister: “I don’t know?”

-          When I asked my mother the same questions about myself, all she stated was that we were alike but there were also differences. 

-          Similarities

§  We both would cry at her absence and be only consolable by her. We would continue our play but stayed paranoid about her presence, making sure she did not escape again.

§  My mom tried to be with us 24/7

§  Never left us with strangers

§  We both would not ever want to go to a stranger to be carried; unless it was family.

§  We both were kind of intimidated by our father, so we always went to our mother for everything

-          Differences

§  I was a much calmer baby and infant

§  I would conform to my setting and surroundings sooner

§  The way my parents raised me was much more supervised and strict compared to my sisters

§  I had more restrictions

§  Still really attached at mother, but mom stated that she feels that my sister was more than I in a sense.

-          Conclusion

-          I believe that my sister and I held a secure attachment to my mother. We pretty much behaved the same way when she walked into the room, as when she came back. I did continue to wonder about my sister’s continued way of being attached to my mother (It’s kind of a lot, ha.. more than me atelast). It may be because I am 28 and she is 21; different stages in life… that can be a factor in why I have separated myself more than her at the present moment. It was interesting to hear about my childhood like that because I do not have much memory of it, my sister enjoyed it too.