ER-THE REAL#2 BLOG POST/PARENTING STYLE

Parenting Styles and Resulting Child Qualities

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTING:

• Lively and happy disposition
• Self-confident about the ability to master tasks
• Well-developed emotions regulation 
• Developed social skills
• Less rigid about gender-typed traits (examples: sensitivity in boys and independence in girls)

AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING:

• Anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy disposition
• Poor reactions to frustration (girls are particularly likely to give up and boys become extremely hostile)
• Do well in school (studies may show authoritative parenting is comparable)
• Not likely to engage in antisocial activities (examples: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs)

PERMISSIVE PARENTING:

• Poor emotion regulation (underregulated)
• Rebellious and defiant when desires are challenged 
• Low Persistence to challenging tasks
• Antisocial behaviors

I was really interested in this topic because going over the above information, I realized that my sister and I had the same child qualities, but she did not go through the rebellious stage as I did. So I was curious. I decided to interview my sister to see her point of view in the way that we were raised. I asked her to read the above characteristics and to point out which one she thinks she is... she picked the middle one: AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING.

The interview then took place:

ME: WHAT MADE YOU PICK THAT PARENTING STYLE?

SISTER: WELL, BECAUSE I GET ANXIOUS MOST OF THE TIME, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY EMOTIONS, AND I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO MAKE DECISIONS ON MY OWN.

ME: WOULD YOU SAY WE HAD A DIFFERENT WAY OF BEING RAISED?

SISTER: YES, I WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE FREE THAN YOU

ME: WHY DO YOU THINK THAT I CHOSE A DIFFERENT ROUTE THAN YOU? LIKE, WHY DID YOU NOT REBEL THE WAY I DID?

SISTER: BECAUSE I FELT PRESSURE IN BEING THE GOOD ONE. TO LIVE UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS. EVEN WHEN I COMMITTED THE SMALLEST MISTAKE, I FELT LIKE A FAILURE. I FELT LIKE I HAD TO MAKE UP FOR THE MISTAKES YOU HAD MADE... 

ME: WOW, I NEVER KNEW YOU FELT THAT WAY. THANKS, SISTER. I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT THAT WAY. DO YOU WISH YOU HAD A DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLE?

SISTER: IN SOME SENSE, YES

ME: WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE WANTED TO CHANGED?

SISTER: I WOULD HAVE LIKED FOR THEM TO LET US MAKE DECISIONS WITHOUT BEING JUDGEMENTAL OR DOUBTFUL; NOT ARGUE IN FRONT OF US ALL OF THE TIME; TO NOT PUT US IN THE MIDDLE OF THINGS

ME: WHAT WILL BE THE SAME/DIFFERENT IN YOUR PARENTING STYLES WITH YOUR FUTURE KIDS IN COMPARISON TO OURS?

SISTER: I WILL ENCOURAGE THEM TO BE DEDICATED HARD WORKERS; I WILL NOT BE AS STRICT ALL OF THE TIME... I WANT THEM TO FEEL COMFORTABLE TO TALK TO ME; I WILL GIVE THEM OPTIONS INSTEAD OF TELLING THEM HOW THINGS ARE GOING TO BE, AND I WILL DEFINITELY BE MORE AFFECTIONATE TOWARDS MY KIDS

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Wow, this interview to me was pretty interesting. I would say that I agree with my sister in most of her answers.. the only thing I would change is that she was A LOT more free than what I was at that age. She was able to wear makeup, have a cellphone, had a drivers license and car sooner, was allowed to go to her friends' house, was involved in sports and extracurricular activities, went to prom for the whole night, went to games, and many other things. I will admit I was a "hair" jealous at the time when she was going out because I would compare, but I promise it was just a "hair". If anything, I thank God that she had the opportunities that she had. I told my mom that I had a fear my sister would go through the same mistakes I did, so I told her to let her be more of an individual and so she did. I could not ask for a better sister and my parents could not have asked for a better daughter. She stays at home most of her time, NEVER tried drugs (she just tried a mixed drink with me on her 21st birthday), has only had one boyfriend (currently going on 5 years), is going for nurse practitioner, does not say bad words, and is very involved in church. She is my rock. Even though she is my little sister, I have learned a lot from her. When we were little and parents would argue, I would take her into my room so she could be distracted and she has been my best friend since day one. We were each other's support system throughout our whole childhood since it was mostly lonely. I know being enmeshed is not the ideal family system... but I do not know where I would be today without her. DID I MENTION SHE IS MY WORLD?!