Survive

“Diagnosis with a life-threatening illness, on one hand, can trigger an opportunity to reflect on life and prepare for death. On the other hand, the notion that death is coming also triggers a focus on the premature termination of life and creates significant psychological and emotional distress (Foster, 2009)

Survivorship

My grandparents have always been a part of my life. We have never lived in different parts of the world; even in Guatemala. He has always been one of the most hard-working men that I have observed. In California, our family of 10 lived in one household where the each of the men worked between 1 and 3 jobs at the same time, my grandpa being one of them. He is an honest man that cleaned theatres and worked on base to contribute to the household and made sure all our basic needs were always met. He is a quiet man but very observant. When we came to Texas, he dimmed down to having one job as a janitor for a middle school. He tried teaching himself English but when put to the test with a stranger, he gets too nervous and forgets what he has learned. He has always kept up with his responsibilities and acted in a correct manner. For that, I admire him and more. He was standing on a ladder at work one day when he fell and dislocated a disk. While the doctors ran tests is when we found out that he had cancer, in 2010. I would like to elaborate on my grandfather’s survivorship.

“Survivorship refers to economic, physiological, and psychosocial ramifications of living with a diagnosis” (Dow, 2003)

He stayed optimistic as can be. I asked him how he felt after the appointment and he responded with, “Death is a part of life. Everyone must go sometime. Now I can eat whatever I want when I want.” (with a smile). I asked him if he wanted company or to be by himself and he chose to go out to eat; not surprised. A couple of months went by and his spirits were still sky high! He did not have employment anymore but still chose to work at home, seeing what he could fix or make look better. His faith that he was going to get better is what helped him wake up in the morning and tackle the day. I never saw signs of depression or hopelessness. The only thing that I did notice is that he was more irritable than usual with my grandmother and no one else. Things that he was patient with before, now became a bother at a quicker pace. Something we always did as a way of bonding time was to help him with his garden. It got to the point where he could not bend down anymore and felt guilty that he did not have the same mobility as before, the pain did not let him. I would have him sit in his chair outside to keep each other company while I planted for him; he has been forever grateful.

He went back for a check up and more bad news; he now had bone cancer. His psychological standpoint was still healthy, and he demonstrated it. If he expressed any emotion other than a positive, he did it when he was by himself. He is a strong believer that men don’t cry and even to this day, I have never seen him shed a tear. At this point, he grew sicker more often. When he would come to gatherings, he would just come to eat then drive himself home. To keep his high spirits up, he tried to stay active as much as he could. He would go to Wal Mart to walk around to have exercise then rewarded himself with watching television; his favorite. His money is only used for his basic needs, so his income has always stayed balanced. I could tell that his health was diminishing, and he was trying his best to not let it show, but I know my grandpa. In one of his appointments, we found out that his cancer could not be detected anymore. Wow.

Grandpa’s response: “God must not want me to stop eating yet… where are you taking me to celebrate?”  😊

CURRENT UPDATE 2018: HE IS STILL EATING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. HAHA! HIS CURRENT ISSUES ARE LIVER ISSUES (ONLY WORKING AT 15%), A CRACKED RIB, AND HIS CANCER IS BACK. THE PROFESSIONALS HAVE LET US KNOW THAT THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO TO PROLONG HIS LIFE ANYMORE. IN OTHER WORDS, HE WAS SENT HOME WITH THE FACT THAT IT CAN HAPPEN AT ANY TIME. HIS OPTIMISM WAS HIGH BUT NOT SKY HIGH. THIS TIME IT SEEMED DIFFERENT. HE NOW DRIVES ONLY WHEN NECESSARY AND SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME WATCHING TELEVISION. HE STILL SITS OUTSIDE WITH ME WHEN I PLANT IN HIS GARDEN. WE ALL KNOW THAT HIS TIME IS SOONER THAN LATER, SO WE ARE TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST OUT OF THE SITUATION AND TREAT HIM THE SAME. IF WE TREATED HIM DIFFERENTLY BECAUSE OF HIS ILLNESS, HE WOULD BE OFFENDED. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS MOTTO TO SHOW HOW STRONG HE IS NO MATTER THE TIME. TWO OF HIS CHILDREN HAVE GOTTEN INTO TROUBLE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES WITH THE LAW AT THE AGE OF 40 AND UP AND THIS HAS MADE HIM UNEASY. HE RECENTLY TOLD ME THAT HE WANTS TO MOVE TO GUATEMALA SO HE CAN DIE WHERE HE CAME FROM, THE STRESS OF HIS CHILDRENS CHOICES ARE TAKING AN effect. HE SAYS THAT HE WANTS TO DIE IN PEACE WHERE HIS ROOTS ARE. I WOULD MISS HIM DEARLY, BUT I WOULD WANT HIS WISHES TO COME TRUE; GOING BACK TO HIS BEAUTIFUL GUATEMALA.